Step 6: Dealing with Worries About Relocating

Uncomfortable about making a big change like this? Wondering if you can pull it off without a lot of discomfort or even panic?

Thinking about what can go wrong has a good side and a bad. The good is you think of things that need to be done. The bad is it feels lousy and you may back away from something that may be very good for you.

Do you envy people who seem happy no matter what's going on? Life is great. Their philosophy seems to be, "Relax, everything will work out." Sure enough, it often does. But, sometimes it doesn’t. Anyhow, if you worry a lot, you probably can’t just relax and hope for the best. So, is there some kind of middle ground?

Here are a few suggestions for making it easier:

  1. Look for the positive side to your worrying. In other words, use it to identify real problems, find solutions and make contingency plans.
  2. Ask yourself, "What is the worst that could happen?" Then ask, "What could I do to fix that, if it ever happened?" Some of us have a talent for imagining the worst kinds of things that could happen. Perhaps this is a way to prepare us for the worst. Maybe it’s just dramatizing our dull lives. At our house, we call it "making operas." So, we ask ourselves, "Are we making operas and blowing the risks way out of proportion here? Or is risk real? If so, can we deal with it? And by the way, this may just be a signal that deep down inside we really don’t want to do this. Better find that out now, if it’s true."
  3. Take inventory of all the recent big changes in your life. The stress experts tell us that all change produces some stress, even positive changes. If a lot has happened recently, you may want to consider waiting to make a big change like relocating, especially if you haven’t moved for a long time. Some things that may produce stress include: retiring, loss of a loved one, divorce, illness and other things that require you to make an adjustment.
  4. Wait until you have worked your way through the full planning process before you make the big decision to go. Make a tentative decision first. Then, when you see all sides of the possibilities, make the final decision whether to go or not. That way you will know whether the new location offers enough rewards to make the move worthwhile.
  5. Write a step-by-step plan with a to-do list. Every time you think of something that worries you, put an action item to deal with it on the to-do list. That will keep it from floating around in your head, causing general anxiety. If you write it down, you can stop thinking about it.
  6. Put dates on your calendar when important actions on your plan must happen. Check them regularly.
  7. Let go of worrying when you have done every reasonable thing you can think of. Recognize anxiety for what it is, a reaction in your body. Anxiety is not an external threat or a problem. It is a feeling within you, an electrochemical reaction. When there is a real threat or problem, it is a very useful reaction that mobilizes you for action, for fight or flight. When there is no actual external problem or threat, it simply wastes a terrible amount of energy, keeps you preoccupied, and makes you no fun to be around. It's a vicious circle. The more tired you get the more vulnerable you are to anxiety. The more anxious you feel, the more tired you get.
  8. Once you recognize that you are feeling anxious, test to see if there is new information about a problem that needs action. Once the problem is solved or you see that there is no problem, then take a few simple actions to feel good again:
    • Take a deep, long, slow breath. Sigh deeply a few times. Allow yourself to be a little amused that you got uptight again. Be tolerant of yourself. It is amazing how helpful something as simple as deep breathing can be. Many of us, me included, slow our breathing when we get anxious. Perhaps this numbs us a little to our strong feelings. Unfortunately, being starved for air also makes us feel anxious.
    • Do something physically active. This will stir up the blood, reduce that tired feeling, and cause us to feel more capable of dealing with whatever we need to deal with. Sometimes it helps to get angry because it energizes us, makes us feel stronger and less like a victim.
    • When things get under way, live life five minutes at a time. Do what needs to be done during the next five minutes and the rest will take care of itself. Or more accurately, you will take care of it when the time comes.
  9. Most important – keep your sense of humor! Laugh. Keep looking for what’s amusing in your situation. Enjoy! [Download a copy of these sugestions]